Showbiz lingo is Hollywood-inspired

Manila, Philippines – UNFORGIVEN – An established director vows never to forgive an indie filmmaker for calling him Thunder (tanda). And to add insult to injury, the indie guy (gay?) added, “Over the Hill” (laos).

Matandang laos. Masakit, di ba?

But then truth hurts.

Of course, Thunder (he concedes he’s old) refuses to admit he’s Over the Hill (has been), saying if given a chance to direct again he’d show one and all he could still make a blockbuster. As he used to.

Thunder Over the Hill. Isn’t that the title of an old Hollywood movie?

*HOLLYWOOD-INSPIRED – Speaking of Hollywood, showbiz lingo in 2011 was spiced, peppered with Hollywood-inspired terms. Stars and movies, actually.

For example, “Julie Andrews” means huli or caught. As in, “don’t throw garbage on the street, baka ma-Julie Andrews ka.” A variation is “Angelina Jolie.”

Another one is “Lady Gaga.” But then the meaning is obvious. Only a “Brenda Starr” (brain-damaged) won’t get it.

“The King and I” has a sexual connotation. Think dako(Visayan word for big). Get it? Substitute word is “Dakota Fanning.”

“Mahalia Jackson” is mahal (expensive), but then it’s already dated, like “Gone With the Wind” (wala na).

“Lucy Liu” is loser. The equivalent of “Luz Valdez” here.

“Tom Jones” is gutom. Or “Tom Cruise.”

“Chaka Kahn” is ugly, “Chaka” derived from “Chapter,” as in “Chapter ang fez ni…” (okay supply the name).

“Katy Jurado” is flirt (kati). Make it contemporary by saying “Kate Jackson.” Or even more timely, “Catherine Zeta Jones.”

*MORE RHYME THAN – It must be said that the names of stars and titles of movies so far mentioned are NOT losers, fools, or flirts. No derogatory implications, please. Showbiz lingo is, after all, more rhyme than reason.

How could Ms. Liu and Ms. Valdez, for that matter, be losers? Ms. Kahn is beautiful. And certainly, Lady Gaga is no fool. And the movie “Gone With the Wind” is forever, a classic.

Incoming search terms: